My 21 day Daniel fast ended last Saturday. We had a great time of corporate prayer at our church Friday night--at the culmination of my fast. I saw God do some wonderful things during the fast. Looking back on it now, I appreciate it so much more. There was a sense of being let down when it was over--wondering what to do now. I thought I could do it forever. But I was wrong. Soon I was back to my old way of eating. Only 5 days later, I've already gained all the weight back I lost. My focus isn't what it was. I have found myself praying much less.
I miss the fast. I miss the discipline. I miss the constant communication with the Lord. I miss the Bible study and devotions. I miss meeting with my sisters who were fasting with me. I don't miss the food and how all-consuming the fast is--the part of focusing on the food. But I miss the determination I had just a week ago. I know it was God who enabled me to do it--especially when I got tired of it at the end.
In the past few days I've gotten back to letting myself eat whatever. And it has made me realize that no matter how much or what I consume, it doesn't satisfy. It always leaves me wanting more. I've struggled with this in the past with other areas of sin. God is showing me again that nothing will satisfy but Him. It is hard to be disciplined. I cannot do it in my own power. When it goes in one area of my life, other areas follow.
I'm reading in Daniel right now. He was an amazing man of God. He was brought to a foreign land and made to serve a foreign king; yet he refused to compromise. And God was always faithful to him. Daniel never let his position go to his head--he remained humble and God was glorified.
This is my prayer--that like Daniel, I wouldn't compromise. That like Daniel, I would stay faithful to God's high standards, that I would remain humble, and that God would be glorified. Its going to take discipline, in all areas of my life. What this will look like in the way I eat, I'm not sure yet. But God is still dealing with me in this area. I am wanting to do the fast again to prepare for the Fresh Fire Women's Retreat at the end of this month. I'm questioning if I can do it. I know where that's coming from. I wondered that about a month ago before I did the fast. But God...